Love, friendship and relationships

Q: Some people say that love for ordinary people is a wasting feeling, some people say that it is some kind of sacrifice. What do you think exactly it is?

Sh: Love is love. You cannot give any other name to it. It is not a sacrifice. It is not anything else. It is purely love. But then another point, people often mistake lust and possessiveness for the feeling of love. Very rarely a person is fortunate enough to experience what love is. It’s a rare phenomenon and I am sure the person who is actually experiencing the real love is very near to God. I have absolutely no doubt about it.

Q: But what are marks of real love?

Sh: You will be very happy if you are in love and no matter that you may not be feeling lust also. You may not be feeling possessing that particular person also because love is beyond that. When being a human so many different emotions will come but love will remain supreme.

Q: So if a person is happy…

Sh: Only then it is love.

Q: And if a person is unhappy about something?

Sh: That means there is no feeling. There might be a feeling of love but feeling of possession is more. So when that loved person is acting in a different manner you feel unhappy.

If you love somebody don’t always keep him like this. He will run away after some time. I don’t think they always understand the real feeling or real emotion about love. They want to possess the object of love and from there the suffering begins. If you love somebody you should be happy in his or her happiness — not want to possess him or her all the time or to change his or her life because you love him or her. When the feeling of possession comes, the suffering also begins. Love I think is a very refine and subtle thing. If you can realize love you have already realized God. There is not much difference — this is what Indians believe.

They want to possess when they are taking, mistaking attraction for love. There is difference. Attraction is one thing and falling in love is another. And this misunderstanding brings suffering.

***

Yet it is given by nature because only by possessing the person you may be able to save him — by carrying forward his genetic record, by giving him a child. But family is a social phenomena and love is I think beyond society or social phenomena or family.

***

And genuine love is a very rare thing to find in this world.

Q: Do love of a woman to a man or a mother to a child or of a student to his or her guru have the same nature, or these are different sorts of love?

Sh: I would rather say these are different expressions of love. Love is a very big term and it is being expressed in different ways. And I have heard that love is God and it could be true also.

It is I think a very natural expectation: if you love somebody he should love you back. But if you are truly in love then you will feel happiness in the happiness of the person who you love and you may not like to possess that person.

Love is beyond all logics. When you love somebody there is no logic behind it. You just love. I will tell you another thing also: love is absolutely an individual feeling. A person, he or she, may bring out that emotion inside you, so you begin to like that person, but the love is coming from inside your heart. It is your own feeling. That reaction came because of somebody — so we begin to like that person. And love basically is between man and woman.

Q: What is the difference between love between a man and a woman and between love between a disciple and a guru?

Sh: Between a disciple and a guru it’s much more deeper. But that is a different sort of love — this is spiritual love which is much more deeper already. I am happy for that because it is not everyday a person is loved. Most of the people are out to mock him or to criticize him.

I keep hearing that there are so many people, who are trying to save the world. Maybe that is the corrupt, the problems the world is facing. The day they will stop try to save the world – it will be the time the world will be saved on its own.

mother Thereza was saying that you should not save the world – just come home and love your family; how You will comment it?

Guruji: I will agree with that. She was talking that out of her own experience – she left home to save the world and lives of many people, then in the end of her career she realized that better she left at home and love her own family. We have to take it very seriously. That was experienced thought.

While happiness is something when you’re really feeling happy, it maybe different reasons, but what I observe – when you’re with your genuine friend – you feel happy. That is the basic thing of happiness. Remember, even love depends on friendship. Genuine friendship.

but after practice happiness is always coming?

Guruji: but you’re making your spirit your friend. Friendship is the basis of it. Everyday you’re happy, when you see the friend.

You think when Shiva is doing tandava for Apocalypse – is it bad karma for him? Beyond carbon, beyond karma – Alakh Niranjan.

LOVE DOESN’T REQUIRE ANY PROMISE

When you really there is heart to heart love in the true sense- then you don’t need to make any promises, everything is good. When there are some doubt or a question mark on that particular love – then you’re after making promises and taking promises . Love doesn’t require any promise.

Love is the genuine emancipated friendship, deepest friendship. That is called love. No friendship – no love; no love – no friendship.

what requires friendship?

Guruji: a real friend – what else? You should also be a good friend, otherwise you cannot develop friendship.

what is the opposite thing of love?

Guruji: there is no opposite, nothing. Love is the single force which can exist without any polemic opposite force. Love defies any scientific calculation: love is the single force which can exist without any opposite and equal force.

love is everywhere?

Guruji: if you’re lucky enough to experience it. That is the very lucky thing. We have the poetry about, very touchy thing: an emperor, by creating the most beautiful Taj Mahal, has actually mocked by love of the poor man. Poor man can love with the same intensity. You need to consider that also.

anger or hate – they are not opposite to love?

Guruji: they are different emotions. Even hate is just another angle of love because when you hate – you keep thinking on that person all the time. If you love someone you also keep thinking on him all the time. Love and hate may be two sides of the same coin.

I think it’s international: from love to hate is one step?

Guruji: from hate to love is also one step.

I’m going to say something, which no Guru or no holy man and no religious teacher had said before: you remember, yesterday we were talking about love? And we agreed, that love is the single force, which exists on its own power. It defies the physic’s law that any force has its equal and opposite force: love is complete in itself. Today I also realized, that we’re all in love – with love itself and keep searching for it.

We find a person, which expresses love – or another person, which expresses love; but actually it is love we’re in love with. Keep searching for it! So we’re in love with the love. Whatever is seen in this creation or on the planet Earth – maybe it’s different expressions and angles of Love himself or itself – whatever term you want.

You will like it, you will appreciate it, you will applaud that Shailendra Sharma said something very good; and when I’ll say something that will go beyond your understanding and you will not understand it and it will shock you – then we sure, Shailendra Sharma said really something great!

I think, this is such a great thing that which is every being is touched by that. Expressions may be different. There was very great urdu poet – I don’t know why I’m remembering him, but his lines were great; his name was Shakir Badain, fantastic poet. When he was dying just before his death he wrote something like that: love is the test – and love itself is the result. I hope, love will remain brightest shining all the time; and now I’m dying in love. My last wish is – the love must continue. Worldly people enjoy the world: here – last salut to you all; I’m dying in love. I mean roughly translated.

why the old people starts to read about love, see the movies about love?

Guruji: because they missed it. Or maybe at this later age they’re realizing the value of it. Quote from bible: a spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak.

People don’t realize, that they are in love with the love; we like that person or object or something, which expresses the feeling of love in itself. In love we’re in love with.

Love is the main reason. Bhakti is just another word for love. We have been given very profound question, when we were in college – I’m still looking for the answer: whom nobody wants to miss, why they are recall them “miss”?

I think we always miss people we love?

Guruji: exactly; there is the whole world around you – 7 billion people, but we miss just a few.

but we don’t know them…

Guruji: that’s why you don’t love them. Knowing is the first step towards love. Without knowing you cannot love them.

Real friendship

About human relationship – friendship, emotions. Of course I was into it already, but now becoming aware I think – observation is very important: about human relationships, friendship. Why some people become friends, why some people can not become friends – it’s a great observation. I think, if you’re friendly in your heart – than you will have lots of friends. If you’re not friendly – you will have only acquaintances or business associates. In my opinion – the person is the most poor, who have no friends. Friends are friends.

I will again caught from Hollywood movie: you may have seen Predator of Arnold Shwarzenegger. There was the black character, black man, and his friend was killed by the predator. Shwarzenegger told him – that he was a great soldier. And he simply answers: he was my friend. This is the best dialogue from that movie.

Just imagine you reach the level to live in the jungle, and there are the family of lions – you are resting on a back of big lion, elephants are coming to give you a shower, they moving their ears for you to have breeze, peacocks are dancing to entertain you, monkey are bringing fruit to offer you – what a great life! Think big, everything is possible.

to be friends people must have the similar values

Guruji: but friendship is friendship – opposites are attract each other.

could you imagine the yogi whose friend is eating meat, drinking alcohol?

Guruji: if he has the great mind or poetic expression – everything is possible. Even Shiva has a friend, who is eating everything.

Friendship between man and woman

do you think it exists a friendship between man and woman without sexual attraction?

Guruji: I think everything is possible. If a girl will accept you as a friend – she is a friend for life. I can say that. Girls also has the very great senses in understanding what type of man it is – good or bad. I pay great respect for their feeling. They can sense, if you’re a bad man or a good man or just a durak. If they are accept you as a friend – then genuine friendship be there.

I think it is rarest of rare – without any other motivation

Guruji: other motivation may be there, but in genuine friendship it is part of life. But if there is only sexual motivation – then no friendship will develop. It’s very different thing.

Man and woman can have sex, but only lovers make love. That difference will remain.

In no religious book I’ve never come across any description, who created the soul or the spirit and what is the true nature of them. Nowhere it is written. Because only yogis are know them and trying to make them their friends. That’s why in Gorakhbodh Matsyendranath tells Gorakhnath: when you will progress to a level when your atma will become your Guru and your mind become a disciple. That is the best situation.

You remember – it is on record- that when I was lying without food for three days, only ladies came with food and she even put the food in my mouth. I think it was very important experience for me: my attitude change and I begin to talk with them; and they really supported me.

Real beauty, love, Infatuation

Inner beauty – the real beauty comes from within. If the person is physically very beautiful but has the very bad nature, evil nature – nobody will like him for a long time. Person will have the genuine friendship from the heart, the very open mind – many things are beauty for me.

what about the nature, the oceans?

Guruji: of course – they are beauty. Remember, when first man was standing on the Moon and he saw the Earth – it was the most beautiful thing he ever saw. He didn’t see wars or dirty things or crimes going on – just beauty. That again depends on your perspective, from what point you’re looking at it. I hear the story that some small insect fall into the paint, when artist was working at Mona Lisa. And that insect was crying – oh, I’m lost, I’m in hell – he couldn’t realize, that he became part of the great beauty. We need to expand our mind and change our perspective to appreciate this. Beauty is the very deep thing.

Guruji, people are saying that it is only one step from love to hate – what is your point on it?

Guruji: I will say there is only one step from infatuation to hate. If you’re experiencing real love – hate is nowhere. And that’s the tragedy of mankind or the womankind: they think that infatuation or attraction is love. But love is much-much much more deep then all attractions. You can not limit love in only man and woman relationship. Ok, you’re a man and you need a woman part to express love. You need love from your mother, you need love from your grandmother, you need love from your daughter, you need love from your sister, you need love from your sister-in –law, you need love from your friend – there are many complex relations with women – not only sex partner can express love. Same with women: they need a friend, they need husband’s love, father, brother, son, uncle, grand dedushka – they are all love. It’s much wider thing.

Infatuation can turn into hate any time; but if there is love – it remain love.

If you have hate – you will continuously have bad thoughts about that particular person. You will continuously think of that person – he will be always in your mind. Every bad imagination will come to you for the person whom you hate. So you can not say – it is love. You just want to take a revenge on that person.

what about love to humanity?

Guruji: you can not love all the people all the time. Until unless your consciousness become one with the planet. Only Mother Earth can give unconditional love to all the people, living on her. Only if you somehow unite your consciousness with consciousness of Mother Earth – maybe then.

But I’m saying like your Guru – don’t think about it. It will create lot of problems for you. You can not cultivate love: either it is there or it simply grows over the years.

In India we’re saying that true love between wife and husband begins after 20 years of marriage.

LOVE

but for example love – it’s also the state?

Guruji: love? Wow, I have no idea. In Sanskrit the word “love” means a very small unit of time. Usually love last that long. We must respect Hindus: one of the sons of Lord Rama name was Lav: but I’ve never seen any western man going with the name “love”. Hindus were aware of love 2 millions years before( smiling)

Guruji but what You can say about unconditional love?

Guruji: love itself is a condition. When you’re in love – you’re always expect good things; expecting good things will create some conditions. If you want good condition in love – go for air conditioning(smiling)

could exist such a state of mind of a human being – to be in love without object? Just a feeling of love without subject?

Guruji: I’ve already commented on that: unconditional thing is ok, but very deep, very close emancipate friendship becomes love.

but is it possible to feel love without any other person or object?

Guruji: it is possible

so what is this state? When you just feel love?

Guruji: you can be in love with any object, any material thing, even animals, the place, a person: love you cannot limit – that only persons can be in love. It can express itself in anyway.

but could it have no object at all?

Guruji: then it will be a mental state and I think a very lucky person will experience that. I think if you have this condition – everybody who will be coming near you: they will feel great in your company. Love will be oozing out of you without charity.

There was a very great poet: Shakir Badain: just before his death he wrote a very great poetry. I will try to translate:

love is a process: love is a purpose, love is a process and love is a result. And I’m dying in love. So, over; enjoy! I’m just saying final god-bye to you – in love. The last time has come; last evening I will enjoy; and before I stop drinking forever – please, give me a glass of wine, before I quit!( smiling)- he was the great man, Shakir Badain!

After I die, they gave me a bath and put a shroud on me; and even before 2 minutes were over – they bury me in the tomb. After you’re dead, who cares? This is my final good-bye to the world.

One man asked me;- maybe he was a German, I saw him in Sarnath way back in 1993 – he asked me: are You a holy man? I told him: when my life was full of holes – I was a holy man. Then my life became whole: then I became “wholy” man – complete man. To all my friends: please, try to make your life whole – not full of holes; and you will be a perfect man.

He was married 16108 times and has thousands of lovers as well; and he’s worshipped with his lover – a married woman.

is it true Radha Ji was elder than him?

Guruji: maybe 9- 11 years. That is the power of love. Radhe-radhe: in this area love is always recited.

now it’s a big tendency that women are living with the younger men?

Guruji: even Elizabeth Taylor did that. If you’re interested in latest fashion – why not in latest body?( laughing) we’re already living in the archeologically protected monument.

This is what we’re describing in Gorakhbodh: atit ghat – subtracting your past.

some people can save the feeling of love at first sight for no more than three months. But someone could be in love for ten years and even more. What is the cause?

Guruji: Most of the people takes their attraction as love. But love is much more deeper feeling. If the feeling lasts than more than 20 years it transforms in true love. Most of the people mistake attraction as love.

if it lasts long - is it connected with previous life experience?

Guruji: probably yes. But it is very rare experience – true love. Because love is the word you don’t understand. Remember: essence of love is genuine and true friendship. And the essence of friendship is love. They unite with each other. Where is love – there will be friendship. Where is different friendship – there is love. Attraction is just temporary thing.

LOVE IS FOR THE WISE

Today is the day of the Saraswati- the Goddess of wisdom

And today is Valentine day also

That means only if the goddess of wisdom will give you wisdom, and you become wise

Only then you begin to understand what is love, and you maybe in love after this.

Love is for the wise.

Attraction is for everybody.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

I’ve been hearing so much about unconditional love. That love should be unconditional!

But in my opinion, If a body is not in good

condition It ends very fast.

So I think there should be a very good condition

for the love. You should have condition

enough to express love. There is nothing like

unconditional love.

This is what I think

What is love?

A: Well, that is the most mysterious and important question all humanity is asking for thousands of years. I will just answer what I understand. Most liberated intimate and open friendship can be called love. But we are still looking into it. We have not reached the conclusion there. Friendship is the basis of love. Real deep intimate and open friendship can be called love.

PASSION OR COMPASSION

Why people don’t feel compassion? Because, my observation is most of the humanity loves to have passion They avoid compassion!

You also think on this.

But, because I am a Hindu and an Indian, So I will add one more thing from the Hindi and English combination:

Come means - less! Compassion means -

less passion!

ABOUT TRUE LOVE

What we feel inside – is love. But everybody outside might be having the same feeling. We keep on talking about love – but the majority of people don’t understand the feeling of love. It's a very precious and very genuine feeling. It should be protected by all means.

How should I communicate with people who can hurt that feeling?

Guruji: You can curse them any time.

Will I get some karma after that?

Guruji: No. It is the reaction to their karma.

Is it possible to reach a level when people with anger will not come across me?

Guruji: If they will begin to feel the power of love – they will try even more to hurt it. You will have to remain insulated. But I will agree – this is the most protected and powerful feeling. We are all in love with the love itself. You can love any object, you can love anything; love is a very wide thing.

The real curse comes from the heart. Heart is the place of the god and Ishwar; and if your heart is hurt and the curse is coming from the heart – nobody can stop it. No ritual, no spell.

HOW TO BECOME GANA

Only true lover can become true yogi – this very famous story of Heer and Ranjha. When Heer died Ranjha became a yogi – he became a disciple of Gorakhnath and finally he became a realized being. This what I capturing: love is the true essence of bhakti. If it’s no bhakti – no realization. He was lucky enough to meet Gorakhnath and became nath yogi. By the power of lost love he became a realized yogi. And he went her back, that was the climax of the story.

Guruji: they just create their own misery. The more we will go against the nature – our own true nature and the nature in general – only misery will follow. And misery love company: one miserable man will find another miserable person, they will find another miserable person – and the community of miserable people develop. To share their misery. Because they are doing good by going against the nature, taking care of their families, for this thing and for that thing. They are just doing good for themselves by going against the nature. And the misery will follow. Accept it.

now we are on the way to awakening?

Guruji: we’re on the way – so we can use our dormant brain which is sleeping subconscious mind: then only you will become aware of so many things.

now I’m sleeping?

Guruji: no, you’re 2-3-4% awake; rest is sleeping inside your mind, in the brain.

but if all the creatures will awake on 100% - then what will happen?

Guruji: I think the world will become the very great place. Only then the best communication will begin, because everybody will understand each other – their expressions, their emotions, their visions, their imaginations – everything. Perfect communication will start. And maybe the flight of imagination to a very great level will begin.

does it affect the great Time?

Guruji: you will begin to understand Time then. Time remains unaffected. You think if you go to the beach and you swim in the ocean – is it going to affect the ocean? Only you are affected. Same way.

is love a some kind of connection with Universe or some kind of samadhi?

Guruji: love is the very great emotion and we’re go much deeper to explain it and conclusion, which came: very deep intense emancipated friendship is called love. Think on that.

FRIEND WITH LIVING

Many so-called black magicians, tantrics and aghoris – we have seen them in India – they carry human skull. The theory is: the ghost of that dead person is connected with the skull and they are trying to control it in some way. What I say: if you have good in your heart, a real feeling of friendship, and you are well-wisher to the other person – then so many very good relationship with the living skulls of the living people. Where is a harm in it? But they all go after a dead persons. You just need to have goodness in your heart, friendship in your heart, and you need to be well-wisher of the fellow man – and living skulls will be yours. No problem.

and they will do for you many things

Guruji: and you also – that is reciprocal. Friendship is friendship. Yogiraj uvacha!

do we need to balance our emotions during life: if you’re always in hate…?

Guruji: love and hate are just two sides of the same coin. The person you hate most – you always remember him. also with love: whom you love – always on your mind. Same coin – but two sides. You need to recognize: whether you really love that person or you hate that person.

it’s easy to say – I love you?

Guruji: if you easily say “I love you” – then more complications arising after that. More problems will come.

LOVE AND STRENGTH

…when the person is gentle and caring – then he command love. Only strength will command fear. That touch is very important. Great strength – but at the same time if the person is gentle and caring – then lots of love will come his way.

more you care of people – more they sit on your head

Guruji: that’s why you need to be very strong not to allow them to do it. Only strong person can afford to be gentle.

it exists a common opinion that you must think about the duties, you must be useful for someone, you must do something for anyone – or for some special group of people…

Guruji: it’s up to you, your decision.

…or better think first about yourself and then about others?

Guruji: you must know, how to use the money – that’s a main point. Sharing is good: it will make you feel very good.

so if it goes from the heart – it is good?

Guruji: why not?

is it some kind of egoistic charity – because if you make someone feel good by giving him money – you will also feel egoistic ambitions that you’re so good and great?

Guruji: when you’re helping someone, he is also giving you something: you’re receiving the satisfaction of helping someone. That is a very precious thing.

same thing with love or friendship – when you do something for your friend or beloved?

Guruji: why not: if you’re friend – then you’re a friend

and you will feel good after that?

Guruji: yes, and he will also feel good

isn’t it paradoxical: that you’re giving something for free – but you have something?

Guruji: we have the example of Shri Krishna and his very poor friend Sudama: he came after many years to see Krishna and he just gave him nothing then; but when he came back home – his big house was already there, lots of money was there, so much staff was there.

Do it in a way that it will be a pleasant surprise. If you will say: you’re my friend, I’m your friend, so see: because of this I’m giving you this much money: it will spoil everything. And in such a beggar-like condition he treated him with all heart like an equal, making sit him on his throne, his queens were serving him, washing his feet – everything! That is in my opinion best thing in any story of avatars we read. He never behaved this way that I’m much superior and you’re nobody: he treated him like an equal – even more than equal. That is the best example of what the friendship should be. It is luck: you became a billionaire – he just remains salesman or something; but a friend is a friend, remember that.

Friendship is not a business contract: it is friendship. You have seen so many my old friends coming(smiling)

What is love? Exactly.

It is on record also.

Very deep, intimate, emancipated friendship is called love. Think on that.

“ जहाँचाह , वहाँराह ” (Jahan chah, wahan raah) means: “ Wherever there is a love desire, the path will appear. Sounds better in Hindi.

friendship? It means they don’t have love? Not every couple has to.

That is just sexual attraction. Or sometimes they function? No, here we are discussing love. But why are people together then? For social reasons, for personal reasons, or perhaps out of habit. Very few people are lucky enough to experience love actually in this life.

Adjustments, habit, so many things are there.

Breeding Program

In one Darshan, You said there has to be friendship in love?

Friendship is the basis of love. I think it’s a very clear thing. If there is love, there has to be a very deep friendship.

I had a friend, we were in post graduation together in 1977-78. He fell in love with a medical student. The medical college was also very near to our college. So she was maybe first year, second year and we were in post graduation classes. He found out the time when she would go on her bicycle to the college. So two, three times he took me with him just to take a look and that will. And then he stopped taking me with him because he was afraid the girl might pay more attention to me. And it was such a sad thing, the girl never paid him any attention.

And then he became like a moron and he began to discuss and that is something, that's why I remember him. He existed alive, very old man and the girl never looked at him. Maybe she was not even aware of it. So never follow his example. That's the moral of the story.

We all have been hearing for thousands of years what is love. My thinking on that is we love life so much. And anything which will make us feel more alive, we love that thing, that place, that person. So love for life is the basis of all you. Whatever, whoever will make you feel more alive, you will love that person. And you will love that thing, you will love that place. This is what I think. You also think. And let me know. Thank you. Yes? No? Yes. Well, many people say, some, let's say, critics say that all love ends in breeding program.

They say that all society is for breeding program. But I have just said, we love life so much. That's why breeding is so loveable. It creates more life. More life. Thank you.

It is said that lovelorn people get divested are ruined in love but those who consider physical attraction as love know not that lovers can be divested of everything but who can rob them of their satisfaction of being in love.

Obeisance is kindled towards every such person whose proximity reveals the beauty of our existence, whose company causes experience of I-consciousness with full strength and gives understanding of the beauty of one’s existence.

How much greatness we have conferred upon our attachments by calling them our commitments.

When a person is in dire need of support he begets only blows from all quarters. No body gives him support or conciliation. Wondrous it is that many are willing to give him support when by his efforts he has strengthened his status and he no more needs anybody’s support. Perhaps they seek his support under the guise of supporting that strong person.

People consider acquaintances as friends and then expect cooperation from them. When they do not receive co-operation they are sorry because their friends are not cooperating. But they need to understand that if they have any friends, they surely will render help.